Interview with Margy Tripp

 A few years ago, I was blessed with the privilege of interviewing Mrs. Margy Tripp, wife of author Tedd Tripp and co-author of Instructing a Child's Heart for my website Mama Knows Best, which I have since shut down. I preserved the interview here.

1.Please tell us a little bit about your family. (How many children do you have, their ages, grandchildren, etc.)We have three adult children and regard their spouses as our dear children as well. Tedd II is thirty-nine and is married to Heather Davida. They have four children; Amilia (12), Teddy III (10), Elliot (7), and Sophia (1). Heather Lynn is thirty six and is married to Joseph. They are praying for the blessing of children. Aaron is thirty five and is married to Danielle and they have five children; Naomi (11), Benjamin (10), Isaac (6), Orion (3), and Dante (1).
2. What are some of your fondest memories with your children? (and/or) What do you think your children’s fondest memories are of their childhood?Probably our fondest memories of our children’syoung years and their fondest memories are the same. We were involved in an open home ministry in those years from the late nineteen seventies to mid nineteen eighties, when left over hippies were still roaming about the US trying to “find themselves”. We lived on an eighty-three acre working farm with pigs, a milk cow, steers, and four hundred chickens. We had a huge garden. We had many teens and twenty-somethings either living with us or passing through all the time. Meal times were times of interesting conversation. Many of our guests had wonderful skills which led to marvelous evenings of entertainment. Spiritual conversation and fellowship were rich and constant. Caring for the animals, gardening, canning, freezing, making butter, cheese, and homemade sauerkraut, grinding and filling sausage casings, selling 400 eggs a day, butchering, baking – all these were hard work, but also wonderful fun. In the years that followed, we built a home (literally) together, went on several cycling vacations (the longest was 650 miles to Niagara Falls and back when the children were from 12 to 16 years old), as well as working together to start a Christian School which is now in it’s 31st year. During these years, family worship times were precious and often, and when the children were in their early to late teen years, lasted for hours.
3. What do you wish you would've done more of when your children were at home?This could be a very long list – but I will restrict my answer to two areas that I believe would have had the most powerful spiritual influence on our children.
1) We always taught our children the gospel, but I wish that we had been more aggressive in rehearsing grace in every situation where God’s law was needed. Parents are often good at telling their children what they should or should not do (the Law), but not as thorough at coming alongside their child with the encouragements of the gospel – that Christ lived perfectly because we cannot, and died on the cross as payment for our failures and sin. There is hope for us because of Christ. 1 Corinthians 10:13, “…God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” This promise is true because Christ “…was made like his brothers in every way so that he could be a merciful and faithful High Priest in service to God, and that he might make atonement for the sins of his people. Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.” (Hebrews 2:17, 18) And the “way out” spoken of in 1 Corinthians 10:13 is described in Hebrews 4:14-16, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and grace to help us in our time of need.”
When we bring the Law to our children without an even greater announcement of grace – children grow discouraged because they cannot keep the law and feel helpless OR children reduce the law to a keepable legalistic standard which leaves them feeling self righteous and judgmental of others.

2) We spent a lot of time with our children when they were young. We did everything together. This was great and we are thankful that our life style allowed this – but as I look back – I realize that the time to have individual relationships with each child was not what it could have been. All the training and instruction that is done in family worship and life together has grand personal application that must be done in times of individual conversation with each child. This is precious and powerful preparation for the teen years when relationships either grow strained or grow stronger.
4. How would you recommend mothers with small kids prioritize their marriage? It is easy to get involved with mothering - the joys and busyness and challenges that are women’s preoccupations - and forget that our husbands are a necessary ingredient to biblical parenting – wisdom, direction, prayer. Often mothers are upset with husbands who are not involved with their children through their puberty and teen years – but Mom never nurtured Dad’s involvement in their child’s infancy and early childhood years by encouraging discussion, prayer and partnering in the parenting work. Also, husbands will usually respond to their role with relish when they are regarded as important to the process. I know there are exceptions!
In a sense, nothing is more important than maintaining the primacy of your marriage relationship through childrearing years. There are at least two reasons for this:
1) A solid marriage is one of the most powerful influences in a child’s life. Mom and Dad discussing and praying together over life’s issues shapes the way children think about manhood, womanhood, roles, love, problem solving, loyalty, forgiveness, and restoration.
2) The marriage relationship is the permanent relationship. The dependant, nurturing portion of the parent / child relationship is temporary and necessarily morphs into a relationship of mutual kinship in adult years. If marriage relationship priorities are not established and maintained through the childrearing years, spouses may develop other priorities that lead them to conclude in later years that they have nothing in common after the children are raised.

5. Looking back on your marriage what things did you learn that helped make your marriage more enjoyable?Pre marriage romance is blind to or overlooks in the “loved one” those qualities which post marriage love tries to manipulate and change. Frustration, anger, and nagging are the result of disappointed expectations in the spouse. This is especially true of the wife toward her husband’s foibles!
The reality is that we cannot change our spouse! Personality is resilient. We can pray that the ways sin has affected us and our spouse will change by the work of God’s Spirit. The happiest marriages are those where we accept one another unconditionally, rejoice in and enjoy one another’s strengths, and pray for God’s Spirit to bring conviction and change in one another in areas where sanctification is needed. This has brought us great appreciation for and enjoyment of one another and patience with one another’s weaknesses.
6. What does submission within a marriage look like in day to day interaction?Submission is an attitude of heart, first toward God’s overall purpose in our lives, and then to the ways His purposes are worked out in the relationships and circumstances of our lives. I believe that submission has been misinterpreted by the secular culture as slavish servility, rather than a rational and intentional determination to live in light of God’s law and grace. If I am truly trusting my Heavenly Father’s sovereign and loving care of me, then I can live in the daily joys, challenges, and disappointments without fear and anxiety. I can bring my insights, wisdom, and suggestions to my husband in a respectful way that does not demand his compliance to secure my support or contentment. I can pray (if he is a believer) that God will guide and protect my husband and me and my children. I can pray (if he is not a believer) that God will overrule the secular mind and bring wisdom and insight to blind eyes. If my hope in a particular decision or circumstance is not realized, I can be assured with the prophet Habakkuk in 3:17-19, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go to the heights.” Or with the prophet, Isaiah, in chapter 26:3, 4, “You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.”
Submission in the daily stuff of life will exhibit the relational qualities of wisdom outlined in James 3:17, 18. “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.” Lack of biblical submission will exhibit the relational qualities of this world in James 3:14-16, “But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it in the day of truth. Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”
Successful submission is based on hope in God, not the people and circumstances of our lives.
7. What are some ways you were able, as a mother with small children, to spend time with the Lord?I cannot say that I did these things well, but I have learned over the years, new ways to spend time with the Lord in the busyness of life. We must learn to take advantage of many means of grace available to us. Let me mention a few.
~ Learn Christian hymns that are theological digests of truth and self counsel. Hymns generally fall into two categories, those that rehearse poetically the theology about God and the Scripture and those that give human testimony to that truth. We need to memorize these hymns for the moments and hours when our nearness to God depends on the places our hearts and minds can retreat as we undertake the tasks before us.
~ The same is true of Scripture memorization. Concentrate on memorizing passages that minister to your pressing needs. Identify your struggles of heart and find God’s spiritual remedies. Put them on 3x5 cards and set them on the counter where you do dishes or fold the laundry. Read and pray rather than catching Oprah or even the 700 Club (not a critique of the 700 Club – but a priority item). Time alone with God will be eminently more satisfying.
~ Determine to have the moments when you are in the worship service be focused on seeking and finding God rather than tomorrow’s grocery list or what you can throw together for lunch today. Learn to concentrate on the words of the service leader, the hymns or songs.
~ Learn to use phone time or visiting time with friends and family to rejoice in the Lord and talk about spiritual things sometimes rather than just small talk.
~ Recognize that there are seasons of life. When your children are young, you may not have long periods of uninterrupted devotional time. I am now at a time in my life when I can spend as much time as I would like in God’s Word and prayer. Your day will come.
8. How would you encourage stay at home moms who are tempted to be discouraged that they aren’t able to be as actively involved in church life as they’d like to be?Here again, I want to remind us that there are seasons in our lives. Your mission field is your home when you are raising children. You ARE building the church as you raise your children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. These are not unimportant years for you as you live in the body – but years of ministry to your family and years of preparation for future ministry. Perhaps you could choose one suitable and doable area of ministry in the church – perhaps mentoring a younger believer by a monthly note or a weekly (5 minute) phone call of encouragement. Ask someone to partner with you to write down for you or call you with needs you can pray for when you cannot attend prayer services.
Ladies who can’t dive into church life are tempted to feel that, “I just don’t fit in.” That is not true. ”Fitting in” may mean being served for a time, while you raise your children. You will have plenty of time to serve younger mothers who come after you. Choose areas of service that are doable in light of your primary calling to parent. Trust God to be satisfied with what you can do, and pray for and support those who can do more with a thankful spirit for their service to you.
9. What’s your favorite book of the Bible and why? (or if you would prefer to talk about a favorite verse, that is okay too.)This is a difficult question because Scripture speaks with such power and perfect wisdom to all of life. But Romans 8:28-39 stands out as an overall passage because it is full of the gospel, hope, and comfort for fallen people and our experience of life in a fallen world. It is all encompassing and carries us all the way from our current experience of life to the glories and rest of eternity! There is no experience of life that Paul can describe that can separate me from the most basic need I have – to know the love and perfect commitment of God through the perfect life, atoning death and resurrection power of the Lord Jesus Christ!
10. What have you found most challenging about motherhood, and how did you handle this challenge?
Looking back over the years - it doesn’t take long to recognize and identify my failures. This would be depressing and overwhelming apart from the encouragement of the gospel. There are several issues that I must recognize as spiritual truth to respond to the challenge my failures presents me with.
~ I am a fallen person in a fallen world. (Romans 7)
~ I am not dependent on my parenting as the primary means of salvation in the life of my child. I want to be a godly shaping influence in my home because that is what God has called me to do – not because I believe that my parenting will save my children. My children are not saved by works – not their works or my works. It is God who saves. This is a great relief because, at my best, I could not keep God’s law sufficiently to be a redeeming factor in my children’s lives. Only Christ lived perfectly and satisfied the Father through His atoning death to redeem my children.
~ I can face my failures in the grace of Christ, repent and go on in the hope of grace in the face of personal failures. That’s really what Paul is teaching in Philippians 3:12-14, “…Forgetting what is behind (my failures) and straining toward what is ahead (my opportunities), I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” ~ God is full of mercy and grace in Christ Jesus. Reality is that God has provided Christ precisely because of my failures and inability…
This is true not only for my experience as a mother now, looking back at childrearing years, but it is true for every mother as she lives with her challenges, struggles, and failures each day.
11. When life gets hectic, how did you maintain a feeling of connectedness with your children?Mothers need to constantly have honest and appropriate acknowledgement of the extremities (busy schedule, competing responsibilities, etc.) in the circumstances and relationships of life. Mothers cannot do this as peers, but rather as those “…who have tasted of the waters of life…” (Psalm 34:8), and who can attest to its life giving qualities. “Kids, we have a challenging day before us, but Christ can give us strength. I’ll pray for you, and I hope you will pray for me. I look forward to seeing you at dinnertime. Perhaps then we can catch up, pray, compare notes on our day, and get spiritual fuel for the rest of the evening! I sure love you and appreciate you!” Here is an opportunity to take our faith into the laboratory of life and show our children the power of God – not to necessarily change the circumstances of life – but to give us grace in the midst of upheaval.
12. What book or resource helped you the most as a mother?Back in the seventies, Edith Schaeffer wrote a book, “L’Abri”, which chronicled her and Frances Schaeffer’s life and ministry at The Swiss study center. It was great spiritual encouragement to us as we endeavored to have a similar ministry at “Hedgerow” (described above). Her next books were “What Is a Family?” and “Perfect Art” (now called “The Art of Homemaking“). These books may be a little dated in their illustrations, but are chuck full of the “transformed mind” spoken of in Romans 12: 1, 2.
13. Have you ever done a home business or worked outside the home, and if so, how did you balance that work with your responsibilities in the home?Tedd and I started Immanuel Christian School in 1979. I was my children’s teacher and principal all day and mother at night. I would not recommend moms working outside the home, when it can be avoided, because while there are many ways to compensate and balance meeting basic needs for the family, there is no way to make up for what’s missed in nurturing. I know that there are circumstances in which mothers have to work, and in those cases, women must hope in Christ to offset necessary losses. I believe that our vision for what the home can be has been overshadowed for what amount of nurture we can get away with.
14. Looking back, is there anything you have learned since the time your children were small that you would pass on to younger mothers in regard to prioritizing marriage, housework, child training, etc.?The pressure of the immediate – responding to the sensory world – where the dishes, laundry, and cleaning are confronting us at every turn, is hard to overcome. We must really believe that the unseen world – the spiritual realities of life – is of greater significance to keep life in balance. Spiritual strength is an absolute must in order to interpret and respond to the challenges of the sensory world in ways that honor God and bring the Gospel to life for our family.
The grace of the Gospel, not trying harder or setting a new standard, is what will energize our parenting. Christ is sufficient. My prayer each day is that I will see my role with spiritual eyes and respond out of my resources in Christ.
Please tell us a little bit about Instructing a Child’s Heart. Instructing a Child’s Heart is a “how to” book for giving children formative instruction. After many years of teaching “shepherding”, we realized that often parents are relying on times of correction and discipline to train their children. That is not the place of discipline. Discipline must be built on a foundation of instruction concerning God, the world, our need as creatures made in the image of God, and His provision for us in Christ.
Is there anything else you would like to share with younger mothers or encourage us with?
There is much – but I am out of time and you are probably out of space! :)

5. Looking back on your marriage what things did you learn that helped make your marriage more enjoyable?
6. What does submission within a marriage look like in day to day interaction?
7. What are some ways you were able, as a mother with small children, to spend time with the Lord?

8. How would you encourage stay at home moms who are tempted to be discouraged that they aren’t able to be as actively involved in church life as they’d like to be?

9. What’s your favorite book of the Bible and why? (or if you would prefer to talk about a favorite verse, that is okay too.)
10. What have you found most challenging about motherhood, and how did you handle this challenge?
11. When life gets hectic, how did you maintain a feeling of connectedness with your children?
12. What book or resource helped you the most as a mother?
13. Have you ever done a home business or worked outside the home, and if so, how did you balance that work with your responsibilities in the home?
14. Looking back, is there anything you have learned since the time your children were small that you would pass on to younger mothers in regard to prioritizing marriage, housework, child training, etc.?
Please tell us a little bit about Instructing a Child’s Heart.