How to Teach Your Child to Stop Screaming

Guest Post by L. Elizabeth Krueger of Raising Godly Tomatoes:


Here's my "Hand On/Off" trick for teaching little children to obey their mom's direction and stop screaming defiantly for no good reason:

When a child is screaming for NO GOOD REASON (usually just because he's mad) and does not respond favorably when I tell him to stop, I scoop the child up, set him on my lap facing outward, and hold him there securely by placing my left arm over his arms and around his waist.
Then, as he projects the next loud scream outward, I place my right hand securely over the his mouth (never over the nose), and hold it there for the duration of that one single screaming breath OUT. Then I quickly REMOVE my hand (lifting it an inch or so off his mouth is fine)just as he finishes that scream and begins to take a new breath IN. After he takes his breath, if he starts to scream out again, I quickly and firmly replace my hand over his mouth, muffling the scream and greatly annoying him. I remove it the instant he ends that scream and begins to take another breath in. Scream out = hand on, Breath in = hand off. Repeat, repeat, while telling the child firmly, "No, stop screaming."

So, it goes like this:

HAND ON: As child screams out = Mom's hand quickly goes on
HAND OFF: As child breaths in = Mom's hand quickly comes off
Repeat, repeat, repeat, until child decides to cooperate and stop screaming.

IMPORTANT FOR DUMMIES: ALWAYS QUICKLY REMOVE YOUR HAND AS THE CHILD TAKES EACH BREATH IN. NEVER COVER THE CHILD'S NOSE.

Now most children don't like this, which is why it usually works. If the child struggles and fights and kicks, I may have to restrain him on my lap and hold his hands down so he can not try to pry my hand off his mouth and so he can not get away from me. I always remain calm and keep telling him to "stop screaming" or whatever is appropriate, until he obeys.

I only hold my hand on his mouth when he is actually screaming out. I reward him instantly by keeping it off if he does not scream as he breaths out, but am ready to replace it if the next breath out is a scream again. I outlast the child by repeating this ON/OFF process until he decides to stop screaming. If I am consistent in doing this EACH time he starts a screaming session, the sessions will soon become fewer and farther between until they stop entirely. Eventually he will start to scream and think, "Wait, I better not, I don't want to go through THAT again!"

Note: Some moms have said that they have trouble telling when to move their hand. When you place your child on your lap facing outward, you should still be able to lean over/around his side to a position where you can see his face. Your face will be close to his, which is all the better for telling him firmly to "close your mouth" or similar, as you do this. It should not be difficult to SEE when he needs to breathe in (lift your hand off his mouth about an inch at this time), and when he is about to scream out (cover his mouth again tightly at this time).

If he "freaks out" (as one mother put it), do not give in to him. This is either a display of anger, or a display of fear that he can't breath because of your hand. If it is anger, then you surely don't want to give in to him because he WILL use it to manipulate you in the future. If it is fear, you want to continue anyway, so that you can show him that he is NOT smothering (since you always remove you hand when he goes to take a breath) and that HE is the one who can control your hand by screaming or not screaming. Remember, you are always supposed to have your hand OFF his mouth when he is breathing IN, so he is in NO real danger whatsoever. If you restrain him and continue with the hand on/off process according to his screaming, he will eventually get control of himself and stop "freaking out". Then, if he hates the hand ON position enough, he will stop screaming. This is exactly the point you want to bring him to, where he chooses to obey your command to be quiet.

Again, do NOT give in to a fit or to "freaking out". Every time you give in to this kind of behavior, you encourage him to let himself go and "freak out" again the next time he is angry or slightly frightened. You are teaching him LACK of self-control, and it will come back to haunt both you and him very soon.