“ME” TIME

“ME” TIME
Guest Post by L. Elizabeth Krueger from Raising Godly Tomatoes

I was about to write that I just got up to a nice quiet house and was sitting in the sun, looking at the lake and enjoying my morning cup of coffee (ok, it's really a chocolate diet shake – I don’t drink coffee), ALL ALONE....but then I realized that I'm not alone. My 24yo son was already at the table when I got here and we just had a nice conversation about toasting my homemade bread and about the sad state of affairs in Detroit when they want to elect a basketball player to be mayor. Hmmm. I guess what I'm trying to say is that apparently I've learned to enjoy "solitude" even when I'm not technically alone.

Twenty some years ago, when our family changed dramatically for the better, we changed more than the way we were disciplining. We threw out the popular blue print for the way even the churches were saying you should live. One thing we did for our marriage was decide we would aim at being "ONE" in a practical way, by not ever spending the night apart. If my husband had to travel for business, I went with him. No more overnight golf outings unless I came too. No more out-of-state weekend cat shows for me unless he came too. As we aimed at "oneness", other things began to fall by the wayside: No more separate Bible studies, no girl's night out. We began shopping together more and more and making a conscious effort to think of each other as an inseparable pair.

Then we looked at our family and decided that if we wanted a close family we needed to aim at togetherness there too. That was the end of Sunday School with its separate classes for different genders and ages. That was the end of "Date Night" and babysitters. That's what started us taking our children everywhere possible with us.

Next we moved back to our hometown and near our extended families. We bought the house directly behind my husband’s grandparents and then helped his parents move close by too. God mysteriously started blessing us tremendously about that same time. Hmmm.

Anyway, my thinking and my aim at home every day changed then too. I am not a natural "baby lover". I'm not even a natural "kid person". I love being alone and doing alone things. When I do a project, I like to do it alone, so I can do it my way - and uninterrupted. I like quietly reading for hours. I like taking walks alone along the lake. I like being "alone with my thoughts". But I changed. I changed because what was most important to me was having a close lovely godly family, and I didn't think aiming at my personal preference for solitude would contribute to that. I thought aiming at togetherness and availability with my children and spouse would.

So I changed. I learn to do the things I enjoy WITH my children near me. I learned to include my children in the things I like to do, for example, letting my toddlers play with my button box while I sewed, or letting them put bows in my hair while I read. I gave up time with girlfriends and hobbies that took me out of my home and/or away from my family. I kept in touch with occasional phone calls but really tried to stay HOME. Some things I had to put on hold for years, like horseback riding. Others I learned to do differently so they’d fit into our new “together” lifestyle. For example, I learned to sew in small blocks of time as opposed to the hours I used to do all at once (while sending the kids off the play). I learned to let the kids get involved and "help" me do many things that would have been a lot easier for me to do by myself (like cooking dinner and cleaning the house).

So no, I don’t believe in “me” time. Not now that I have children. I do manage to find time to do things that I like to do (I have lots of interests and "hobbies"), but my family always comes first. I really would feel uncomfortable setting aside a "me time" for myself every day. I certainly don't think I should "need" it to "regroup". Regroup from what? The time I spend with my kids is wonderful now that I’ve changed my ways. I don't need to regroup from them. Being with them relaxes me. It makes me feel very happy. No "me time" for me!