The Vine and the Branches

Raising children is such a challenging job!  There are so many things you need to do – train them for life, train them in obedience, teach them how to relate to people, provide them with stimulating experiences, correct them for defiance and misbehavior, give them opportunities to explore the world and encourage them in academic pursuits as well.
But I believe that one of the most important things we can do as parents is build a loving relationship with our children.
I learned this in a very poignant way a couple of years back when we spent a month in Brazil, visiting my husband’s family.
There were eleven of us in a tiny apartment, plus aunts, uncles, cousins and friends over visiting every day. Everywhere we went, it was in a huge group. We had virtually no time alone with the children.

I knew it was temporary. If we were living there, I would do things differently. But….
I could see a MAJOR change in their hearts!  We still felt freedom to correct them as needed, but I didn’t feel such strong TIES to them as usual; the relationship aspect was lacking, just for lack of time alone together to reinforce those bonds. And because of that, I saw their behavior deteriorate big time, even though we were still with them all them time. Just not alone with them.
The big lesson I learned in this was about the vine and the branches. Jesus told His disciples, “Apart from me ye can do nothing.” Actually, apart from Him we can do a great deal of things… just not anything good! Same for my children. When they are not “abiding in me”, they can do nothing good! And just as it is so much easier to surrender to and obey the Lord when we are living in communion with Him, it is easier for our children to surrender to and obey us when they are living in communion with us.
The week after we got home, I literally did not go *anywhere*, and limited my activities even at home so as to give myself to my children as much as possible. Just enjoying them, having fun together, finding activities to encourage our relationship. And guess what? Their attitudes were SO much better! Yes, they needed correction, but they also needed my attention. And then the correction just WORKS so much better, and is needed so much less, when there is that strong bond of relationship!!
So, more than ever, I saw the importance of doing whatever it takes to cultivate that relationship with them ~ to win their hearts and tie those bonds tight.  Time with friends is great, but I see much wisdom in limiting it so as to spend more time in communion with my children.  If we ourselves are “prone to wander” when inundated with too many outside influences, how much more so our not-yet-mature little saplings!